The Tao of Poo
I spent the first five years of my life in a house with orange shag carpet. My earliest memory is sitting on the stairs of that house, crying. I cannot remember specifically why I was crying, but I remember being alone. No sign of my family—all alone at the top of the stairs, bawling. I do not cry with the cathartic ease of a toddler anymore. Uncontrollable heaving, snot spewing forth from nostrils, eyes shining red with tears.
According to Science, there are three types of crying: basal, reflex, and emotional. The chemical compositions of the tears resulting from the various types of crying are different. Emotional tears contain chemicals not abundant in reflex tears, which are 98% water. Emotional tears contain leucine-enkepahlin and andrenocorticotropic hormones. The former is an endorphin that reduces pain and works to improve mood, while the latter indicates high stress levels. Research has shown that fighting back the water works may lead to increased chances of heart disease and hypertension. There is also evidence that those who have a negative perception of crying may suffer ulcers at a higher rate. Crying is a healthy, natural response.
I can cry. I just don’t bawl. I want to sob, heave and wail for a minute. The last time I really let it go was over ten years ago. I was in college and driving back to Tulsa from Springfield. My father had just berated me about something and made me feel like a greedy, little ant. Tears began flowing uncontrollably as I drove down I-44 alone. It has been over ten years since I let it out like that. Divorce, death, heartbreak. Yet, all I can muster is one or two tears. I am emotionally constipated.
I use various means to numb myself. While, traditionally, my coping regimen has incorporated some of the usual suspects-alcohol and tobacco (Editors Note: Matthew L. Christensen has proudly abstained from tobacco since January 29, 2012). There are a litany of means to numb yourself: illegal and pharmaceutical drugs; television; the internet; food; sex; work; exercise; religion, self-mutilation; relationships; etc. All can serve as distractions from dealing with the weight of existence. I do not think it is necessary or appropriate to totally abstain. Heroic monasticism is just another means of coping. The middle path is where I want to be.
Some people can drink a couple and call it a night; others drink until they pass out. Some can have a cigarette once in a blue moon; some light up when they roll out of bed. Some people can work out and maintain a healthy body, while others can’t help but succumb to anorexia or bodybuilding. {Please Read this Gawker Article on Bodybuilding}. Choose your poison.
Must of us glom on to something to avoid our lives; it is tragic-literally. The best solution is usually the simplest. (Fallacy Alert!!!!) I started off talking about not crying. My inability to cry is likely a symptom of my emotional constipation. (Unfounded Assumption!!!). My simple solution is not Visine, but the middle path-the Way. (What does that mean??) I should identify those activities, substances, and people that I lose myself in and regulate those interactions. (You don’t say??). I must realize why I succumb to the intoxication of something and address it. (Ok.). As these layers are stripped away, the fears that paralyze me from feeling my life may be identified. (If I am lucky). Problem solved in less than two hours.
Who knows? In the mean time, enjoy an awesome song.
